Piecemakers open door to inspectors

Just when you thought the Piecemakers would go to their deaths rather than submit to government inspection, they placed a call to the county health department offering to make peace. Amazing what a few days in jail does for the soul.

So yesterday morning at precisely 9:30, a white SUV pulled up to the compound on Adams Avenue in Costa Mesa, and out popped three county employees. They were quickly joined by two others who’d been waiting in an unmarked blue van, and together they walked into the lobby of the Piecemakers’ crafts store and cafe.

We hadn’t been invited, but by coincidence Erika and I happened to be sitting in the parking lot, about ready to go inside ourselves, when the county officials arrived! We’d been in the neighborhood, and I’d realized I was running low on scented candles and quilt batting, and could also use a fragrant sachet of some kind in my garage. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

We caught up to them as introductions were being made. For the first time, the meeting of inspectors and Piecemakers was entirely pleasant. It is probably just another coincidence that this is also the first time Piecemaker leader Marie Kolasinski was sitting in jail when inspectors arrived. Acting in her stead was Doug Follette, who was also convicted of operating without a permit and obstructing inspectors but only got probation. Follette shook hands all around and told inspectors he’d asked them to come by so they could assess what was needed to bring the cafe into compliance. I think everyone was a little surprised to see me, and some of the Piecemaker womenfolk didn’t look real happy about it, but I’d happened to put on a denim shirt and a denim jacket that morning – another amazing coincidence – and perhaps they felt I was making an effort to bond with them.

We started in the main kitchen. And, lordy, Marie, if you’re reading this, you’d better have a seat on your bunk or stainless steel commode. Because Jim Miller, a real, live Agent of the Government, and his minions went through the place like bears through a pup tent. They opened cabinets, peered under the stove, popped the fridge, pawed through vegetable bins, inspected the pantry and had a look-see in the loo. All in full view of one of your people chopping salad at a nearby table. I was waiting for her to lunge at us with a cleaver, but she never even twitched!

We trooped upstairs to a smaller kitchen and then over to the beauty salon, where the ammonia was so strong it made me think they should also be applying for an embalming license. (It also made Erika wonder why women who never wear makeup need a beauty parlor, which I advised her was a brilliant, almost existential question, one to which there is no real answer.)

Miller, for some reason, seemed obsessed with water heaters, asking repeatedly about the location of any and all water heaters on the premises. I was going to suggest he check for any that might be hidden in underground bunkers, but everyone was being so disgustingly respectful of everyone else it didn’t seem the time to bring it up. No Piecemaker tried to wrestle a thermometer from an inspector. In fact, I never even saw an inspector draw one from his holster. In about 40 minutes it was over. Within a week, Miller said, he’ll give Follette a report of necessary fixes. Follette said the Piecemakers would stand down from pie-selling until they come into compliance.

After the county left, Follette told me it was a group decision to invite the inspectors in. The Piecemakers, he said, realized: “They are going to come and inspect anyway. We still have our convictions, still have our beliefs. Our faith in God is still the same.” Then I hit him with the Big Question: “Does Marie know about this?”

Oh, yes, he said.

Hmm. How’s she doing in the joint?

“Marie is alive and well. More than ever. We visited her over the weekend.”

More than ever?

“The guards have been very kind. The inmates are God’s people.” Another Piecemaker added: “All those ladies in there were in need of pastoral spirit.”

Yes, I imagine those “ladies” would be.

“She’s giving Bible lessons,” Follette offered.

Suddenly, it all became clear. Down to 26 Piecemakers now, Kolasinski realized she needed to recruit from a captive audience that is used to living in a strictly controlled environment and already has an inborn hatred of government. So she got herself tossed in jail. Genius.

Previous entry: Preacher in court over child kidnapping charges
Next entry: Psychic Sylvia Browne mistakenly told family boy was dead

More articles about Piecemakers

Share this

To share this page simply copy and paste one of these URL's:

• Post a link on your blog or website:
  
• Send in an email or IM:
  
• Post on a forum: