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Jewish women lift the veil on abuse
Jan. 13, 2006
Eileen Schulte
www.sun-sentinel.com
TAMPA – Barbara Bergling of Safety Harbor never tried to obtain a divorce from her husband, a salesman.
Although she endured 25 years of being punched in the eyes, hit over the head with hairbrushes, denied any money of her own, constantly insulted and threatened with never seeing their two little boys again, she simply didn’t have the self-esteem or resources to leave.
Her husband forbade her to go to synagogue and taunted her when she fasted for Yom Kippur.
“He would complain his eggs tasted like soap,” said Bergling, 62, a past president of the Clearwater Chapter of Jewish Women International. “I would clean the house all day, and when he came home, he would [drag] his finger across a piece of furniture looking for dust.”
Such tales of spousal abuse within the Jewish community have largely been hidden.
Although no hard statistics exist, Jewish organizations are finding that spousal abuse occurs at an alarming rate in their faith.
They also say it is common for Jews who are not abusers or victims to be unaware that domestic violence exists in their religion.
The reason, according to JWI, is that the ethical teachings of Jewish tradition promote safety and peace in the home, and justice and accountability for everybody.
But those teachings aren’t protecting some abused women, and, in some cases, abused men.
“In the Jewish community, it’s an embarrassment,” Rabbi David Rose, a nationally recognized advocate for abused women, said at a recent program at Congregation Kol Ami in Tampa.
Rose said Jews must look past the shame.
JWI tries to help Jews believe abuse survivors, encourage prevention programs, educate religious leaders, hold abusers accountable and confront abuse as a community.
Rose said he never thought spousal abuse occurred in Judaism until 11 years ago, when a group of women asked to organize a program on domestic violence.
“I said yes, but I really didn’t believe it was an issue,” Rose said.
He said he researched the subject and began to talk about it with congregants. As word spread, women came forward seeking assistance.
“Rabbis must learn the signs of abuse,” Rose said. “[There may be] a woman who is suddenly not at services, supposedly ill or is suddenly withdrawn.”
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